It surprises moms that these are my first questions when they call me to talk about their child's upcoming birthday party. Moms often begin with, "What age group is your magic show appropriate for?" or "Do you perform at parks or just in homes?" The fact is, after ten years of scheduling party performers, I now I cut straight to the heart of things: I laugh and say "How are you really doing? Are you okay?" Without exception, moms melt into a pool of laughter, "Wow! Actually, no, I am SO STRESSED! I can't believe it, it started out fun!" Planning kids parties has become...well...kind of ridiculous!
Moms confide in me daily. The guest list has doubled. It won't be a drop-off party after
all and now the adults not only need to be fed, they also need chairs! Grandma can't make it, but
the really bossy parent at the pre-school co-op can. The goodie bags are full of junk the other
parents will just toss out, but every host(ess) feels obliged to spend the night before meticulously
divvying out rubber erasers and cheap plastic toys one-by-one into each perfect little bag.
Maybe you are true angels, or maybe you just know the drama that could ensue if you
don't do these things, or maybe a bit of both. This is where I'll wave my wand and offer moms
some of my trademarkedly uncommon advice for how to keep the planning as stress-free as
humanly possible. I'd like to see you all retain some joy on the party day itself so you aren't left
the way one mom described the aftermath me, "...reviewing the photos, piecing together what
Let me wave my wand, after having helped plan 15,000 parties for kids and offer some of my trademark uncommon advice for how to keep the planning less stressful. Moreover I'd like to see you retain some joy on the party day itself so you aren't left with the photos, piecing together what must have happened while you were opening packages of napkins. Here is my input on how you can enjoy the next kids party you plan:
1) Delegate, delegate, delegate.
It amazes me how many moms are corporate powerhouses or the "home-maker" equivalent and still we forget the basic and crucial practice of delegating when it comes to the significant project of throwing a party. Sister-in-laws and friends are notorious for asking, "Can I bring anything? Can I do anything?"
If I were your personal party coach I'd give you five gold stars every single time you say, "Yes!" Surely you know a high-schooler down the street or your usually babysitter who you can after pay just $10-$12 an hour to be your assistant during the party. These things take time: opening and setting out food and all the accompanying jazz, opening the door, opening the box of band-aids for a little elbow that got bonked.
My favorite is suggesting to moms that they delegate picture-taking. A great reply to that sister-in-law is, "You know what would really be something small time-wise but an enormous peace of mind for me? Can you take my camera and just takes lots of shots the whole time? Can you especially be sure to remind me to pose the kids and take one at the cake?" Any business woman knows that delegating tasks to willing others does not just take care of the task but probably more valuable, gives you the relief and space you have free in your own attention to now focus on other things.
Of course, sending magicians, characters and face painters to parties is my career, because I believe it in, having someone or something to help with the kids becomes priceless in those critical valuable moments of the party. Yet it doesn't have to be hired help. Take anyone up on help, in any form, and ask for more help than you think you could possibly need. Just like any project, when you find yourself doing something trivial that someone would be happy to help with, go ahead and ask for help. Spending $20 to have the babysitter there, or $140-$180 to have a performer there, or the free help of your family becomes priceless. I also joke with moms, "Tell your girlfriends, 'If you love me, this is a good day to show it by helping mix the dip.'" They laugh, and I bet someone, somewhere actually did it and had a better time at their kids' party.
2) Be selfish. When the party starts, drop trivial "to-do's" and focus on your child.
What? Isn't that sacrilegious? Aren't moms supposed to become the all-giving hostess? Kind of. Here's what I say. I have part of a doctorate in child-development and I also performed for the 2,000 of the first birthday partieswww.MagicPrincess.com did and I swear, although sheerly based on anecdotal information, that the most basic developmental psychology tenements hold true especially at parties.
Kids are acutely aware of their parents at all times. Kids count on adults for survival and they are appropriately pre-occupied with "How is my parent?" They look to adults for clues about how the party is going. I cannot tell you how many birthday children I've face-painted who seem a bit spacey or aloof while they are scanning around for their mom - while their poor parent flies around trying to please everyone. It is so tough!
In my opinion, kids above all else want to be seen. They might ask for a fancy toy, but they'd much rather have your attention. They might learn to run and delight in their own abilities, but we all know within seconds they turn to us, "Watch me! See this?!" They love to be seen. I'm convinced on the party day, kids want more than anything for their parents to be present with them. They want us to see the cake, want us to see them having fun, want us to see each gift they open. Go back to suggestion #1 above, delegating will help you reach this aim of being more available for the party. I promise, if you are more "selfish" with your attention during the party then you and your child will enjoy the party more. But how? Here are some more "selfish" ideas that save your mental and physical energy:
- Serve foods that don't need to be replenished. Taco bars with fixings in bowls are easy and fun. Anything like that where you aren't refreshing or adding to things will free up your time.
- Maybe consider having the party time during that sneaky little window between 2:00 pm - 5:00 pm. Guests don't perceive these as meal hours and not only will you save money on not having to feed the adults , but moreover, the additional tasks a table of food inevitably creates for you.
- Consider having the party at school. As a side-note, every party performer I know also performs in daycares and schools. Kids behave differently in that structured environment and the time and energy spent on what lovingly call "kid wrangling" goes way down, and your enjoyment goes up.
- Do you really need goodie bags? Parents confide in me daily that they know it's just junk, "But the kids demand them, what can I do?" Okay. I suggest spending $3-$8 on each child for one small and meaningful gift. My favorite is suggesting buying a 12-pack of little storybooks. I know a mom who had a pinwheel party and gave each child one nice pinwheel. That was awesome. If you give a storybook and invite a character a fun twist is to have the character, like Princess Belle autograph the storybook. It's precious, and it will impress your friends too, but more importantly it will give you time the night before to pick out your child's outfit, (or for heavens' sakes, your own!!) instead of tirelessly making goodie bags of junk.
3) Planning a party is hard! Ask professionals for advice and read up on tips!
Most moms only really plan a party for kids maybe 2 or 3 times in their lives. It is a major undertaking even when you have the gallant ambition to "keep it simple." Go to Google and type in "Kids Party Tips" or call someone like me. My business is built on a network of moms and anyone worth their salt in the industry won't try and sell you anything you don't really need. We have planned way more kid events than most parents ever will, and we've seen the disasters or just the small annoyances like any professional has and can help you avoid things you can't even foresee. Experience is priceless. Parties can easily become chaotic. Here's are my tips:
My Favorite Photo Tip:
Be sure to snap a photo at the cakes. Many parents try to strategize on a good moment for a group shot and no moment is better than at the birthday cake. The cake naturally collects the kids and I promise you'll never get them in the same spot ever again, especially not after the sugar! If you ask someone else or remember yourself to take the group photo at the cake, you'll have the birthday child, all the friends AND the cake, before it is demolished.
My Favorite Cake Tip:
Every parent knows the most dramatic moment of the party happens right after the birthday child blows out the candles. They argue over who gets which color of frosting rose, or which more decorated corner of the cake. This is a prime moment to have someone like the hired party character distract the kids, "Hey! I'm going to twist balloon animals" so you, the exasperated hostess can cut the cake in relative peace. Relative is subjective here, but at least you lessen the chance of tears, which I've seen countless times, when someone other than the birthday child grabs a candle to reflexively lick it. I have a secret theory kids use cake-cutting time to work out assertiveness and social status, but that's an academic discussion and we're just trying to get you through cake cutting without crying!
My Favorite Performer Tip:
If you do hire performers, consider two. During the party moments, with so much at stake and so much planning having gone into the day, extra help is priceless. If you do get two, consider staggering their arrival times, so one arrives 30-45 minutes after the other. It is a sneaky way of getting "more time" (a.k.a. additional and longer support for you) without having to pay any one performer extra for "staying over" because the performer who arrived second will automatically be there longer into the party. Aha!
My Favorite Invitation Tip:
Consider using Evites. Paper invitations are classy and make lovely keepsakes, but Evites give you a secret hostess-power. You'll get a reliable RSVP count. That means less anxiety over guessing if you've bought too much or too little food or have too few of chairs.
My Favorite Tip a Mom Told Me:
Keep it kid-focused. I know a mom recently who victoriously said "It is a short party, only two hours. I'm not even putting out chairs for the adults!" She loved her bold move. She set out an immaculate little table for the kids and the adults hovered around, eating simple crackers. All the fancy stuff and fancy attention was placed on the activities and set-up for the kids. Neat.
My Favorite Timing Strategy Tip:
Consider putting an ending time on invitations. When you do this, I swear guests seem to be more on time. It is inherently impolite to be late to a party you know has a limited time to it, than an open ended one. When your guests are closer to on-time (I'm not expecting them to be perfect!) you'll have more of your attention condensed. Food goes out once, birthday cake happens about when you thought it would, parents' arrivals line up and they can chat with each other so you don't feel you need to entertain them...it's just a nice thing all around.
My Favorite Party Landscape/Lay Out Tip:
If you have an activity or performer for the kids, try to put that person or activity table away from the food. Really? Yes. Here is why. Adults will naturally congregate wherever you put the food! I always joke that you could put the food in some obscure hallway and before long all the adults would be chatting there. By separating the kids' craft/activity or entertainment from the food you're naturally helping the sound control of the party, for the kids' benefit. Adults chat wherever the food is. Kids are distractible, especially by adults. You'll find this way adults who want to be with adults will hang out by the food and adults who want to be supportive of the kid atmosphere will approach the kid area a bit more kid-focused and quietly, and the kids will be more attentive to whatever you're asking them to focus on.
My Favorite Emotional Support tip:
"Keep it small" is a mantra I hear on a lot of calls with moms. It is a wonderful vision and I wish you the best of luck. I know you have the intricate pre-school politics to navigate in your guest lists. My advice is, yes, try to keep it small, but if it gets big, then just throw your hands in the air like you would on a roller coaster and say "Whee!" I tell a lot of moms this exact quote, "When you throw a party for more than 8 kids, you are inadvertently recreating a preschool scenario, except without the experienced teachers nor the structure." I don't say that to trigger hopelessness! I say it because reality is a good thing to be in touch with. As long as know that's the case, if you look around and see the same chaos in your backyard that you see at the preschool, you can feel victorious! You've done things right!
My Favorite Warning:
Don't buy glitter glue. Sorry. We all love it. Kids love it more. It is so tempting to buy every child some kind of art project like a birdhouse and give them glitter glue and wince and lovingly say "Go for it!" When I worked at a preschool we knew it all too well, and I now offer this wisdom to you. It never dries within the duration of a party. Also, kids don't use it so much for the glamorous effect we think they do, kids enjoy squeezing bottles. I'm convinced it is more for the mastery they get from making it ooze out, not the careful artistic endeavor we delude ourselves into thinking they are doing. What about doing something like this instead? Go to Google, search for "Cinderella Coloring Book Pages" or whatever the theme might be. Choose 1-2 designs and print them out. Dump out the crayon bucket I'm sure your family has and let them go to town. Odds are really good only 2-5 of the kids will even approach the project, but it will be a godsend for the kids who are more quiet or slow to warm-up. You ending up spending nothing, and there is absolutely no mess. You don't feel that desperate pressure that the kids will love it, since it didn't cost you anything and if you did something fun like hire Cinderella, the cute twist is she can autograph them! Or if you don't have a character, the kids leave with a really cheap, easy project that matched your theme. Viola! You just became a party pro!
My Special Advice on 1st Birthdays:
Parents planning first birthday parties often forget to plan activities for the kids. First birthday guest lists are flooded with adults, I often joke, "Anyone and everyone who cares about the baby wants to come!" That's beautiful. You also end up with a beautiful assortment of ages and genders of the kids who are coming. Typically I see when kids are turning five or six, most of the guest list is comprised of kids around the same age, which is a lot easier. They are at similar developmental stages and you can do collective activities more easily. When the baby is one, their "friends" are often actually your friends' kids, or the baby's cousins. When you have diverse ages coming, that's a good time to call a professional, or to think for yourself about activities that involved more choice. When kids have choice (like for the what they'd want a balloon twisted into, etc) activities naturally adjust to their developmental stage. Magic shows are great for 1st birthdays. Collective games can be tough, they are all different ages.
I hope that helps!
I believe in you. I've seen 15,000 moms plan awesome parties before you. True, some were more stress than fun, but hopefully the majority were more fun than stress.
Kids are kids only for a few, fleeting, precious years and their parties are miraculous milestones. I don't want to see one more mom miss out on the moment they worked so hard to plan.
Go, hostess, go!
- Kris Cole is the owner of www.MagicPrincess.com. She has sent more than 15,000 performers to kids parties over ten years. She is also a muralist who just completed the reading library at Children's Fairyland and she's notoriously silly. Call her at 1-888-562-4425 !
Email her at magicprincesskris@gmail.com
